They ask me why I try so hard? I looked them in straight in their face and said "For the sheer reason that I am scared of last place."

Since this year as started(and the majority of my life) people have always been wondering as to why I try so hard in whatever it is I am doing. My answer to those who ask question is like that has remained the same that is "I am scared of last place." Unlike most people, I always tried twice as hard just to learn the simplest of things. Last year, I was diagnosed with dsylexia and inattentive disorder(tentatively). However the dsylexia diagnosis is right on the money.
My girlfriend of five years asked me the other day "For as long as I have known you, you have always broken your neck trying to be the best at something and if you could not do it you always placed top. What is the point? At the end of the day, when all is said and done what do you have to show for it?" This comes from the fact that I have dedicated my blood, sweat, tears and life to my major(biology with a pre-medical focus and Japanese when they make that a major) spending long night and sleepless nights and days trying to make sure that I understand what is being taught in class. I cannot sit in one session and absorb material like others, for every hour one person spends studying I have to study two hours. Getting back on topic with all these hours I have not really spent much time talking to her on the phone, so this is for me to say I am truly sorry. I could have easily just given up on everything and go lie in a ditch somewhere, but I could not do that. I do this not for myself but I do this for my family future and current, for those who need a hero, for every child who sees drug dealers as a superstars of their neighborhood(to let them know you can do something other than sell drugs to be successful.) After the whole fiasco (did not know I was dsylexia thus did not know how to properly handle it) that plagued last year, that almost lead me to drop out of college and return home for good, most people thought I would give up the medical career. The funny thing is I have not, and I am not off schedule towards my pre-medical school track at all. I want to be a doctor not for money or fame, I do it because I love people despite my negative outlook on most corporations and inhumane human beings, but I do it because I feel it right here in my heart ((points to heart)) As they say "Respect and success is all in the heart so that is where we will start." I graduated high school in the top ten percentile of my gradating class so I can handle the workload but now I know how to better handle my handicap. Since my girlfriend does not understand the plight I have to go through, I just pray that she is supportive.